After years of dealing with insecurities when it comes to UI and intercourse (and just doing it anyway, despite my own discomfort, which I do not recommend!), returning to sex felt better than I expected.
Things were heating up, and I remember hesitating: Would this hurt? Painful intercourse was one of the issues that had sent me to pelvic floor therapy in the first place. Would this send me back? Could I potentially undo all of the progress I had made? Would it be worth it?
As my clothes came off, I felt my concerns melt away. I abstained on purpose for a while for a handful of reasons. Pelvic floor therapy sessions, while helpful, can still be very painful. So, adding a potential trigger to my still-healing vagina wasn’t something I was willing to entertain. Also, if I am being completely honest, I really didn’t have any desire for sex—or feel all that desirable. Given the choice between root canal or sex, I am all too often ready to head to the dentist.
But back to the bedroom. It turned out that not only did sex not hurt (hooray!), but I also didn’t experience any UI symptoms at all!
In this, pelvic floor therapy has been a game-changer for me and my UI. By working out my issues with my therapist, I learned a lot about how to enjoy sex while living with UI, too.
For one, I’ve learned that sex can’t be something I take lying down. Positioning is everything, which was the key to helping me feel more in control of my pelvic floor. Also, I learned stretches to do in order to relax my pelvic floor, making things less tense down there, which reduces my chances of having any pain or discomfort when things get rockin’. Now, by knowing my body’s inner workings as well as I do and being cognizant of what my body needs in order to enjoy life, and not just endure it, I am able to make sure that my pelvic floor issues do not stop me in the heat of the moment. I even told my therapist about it the next day, celebrating how far I’d come.
I recognize I’m one of the lucky ones. A friend, who was recently diagnosed with UI after the birth of her daughter, reached out and said she had been experiencing leaks during orgasm. When she told her partner about it, he chuckled, suggesting that they could have sex on one of their new dog’s puppy pads. She laughed it off, but was secretly mortified. Laughter can be the best medicine, but sometimes it can be pretty painful when it comes to UI.
So when she called me for advice, we both knew there had to be something else she could do besides use canine housebreaking devices to control her UI symptoms during sex. I was glad to be able to tell her about my own breakthroughs.
In fact, studies have found that many women with incontinence report the same amount of sexual activity as women without incontinence, and that they enjoy the sex just as much. It just might take a little bit of extra effort to regain our confidence and control.
In my case, from always choosing certain preferable positions (get on top, ladies!) to regular Kegel training, I was able to find my way back to intimacy despite the bumpy road. I still have my own issues to overcome, but it’s easier to do so if I remember to be patient and give myself grace. I even make sure to utilize all of those yoga positions that have been recommended to me to open up my pelvic floor. All of these steps allow me to remain open to the idea of sex, which is half the battle when dealing with pelvic floor issues, such as UI.
It’s these small victories that we can celebrate, overcoming any roadblocks that UI may throw at us on our path through life. UI may make life hard sometimes, and it may make sex a little less comfortable at times, but there’s no reason for it to derail life’s pleasures. Intimacy is important, and I’m happy I was able to learn that there are ways I can still enjoy it without worrying so much. I learned to listen to my body and be open about my concerns.
Having a partner who is understanding and patient can make all the difference, which is why I always urge my friends to open up to their partners as well. It is important to have all parties on board when clothes start coming off, and in order to alleviate any potential embarrassment, I have found it important to communicate about these issues. A simple, “So, this happened last time, and I’d like to find a way to make it not happen again” can go a long way in the bedroom. It doesn’t matter whose bed you end up in; just make sure to communicate and have full support of those you choose to have sex with. And let’s leave the puppy pads for the dogs.
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