After a long, eight-year conversation, my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. While we spent all those years discussing our future, I continued to indulge in soft cheeses and hit the snooze button on my biological clock. It wasn’t until I became pregnant at 40 years old that it hit me that I was going to be an older mom.
I’d built up enough confidence and emotional maturity to carry me through each awkward moment, and I was beginning to believe motherhood at an older age was not without its perks.
I knew I wouldn’t be alone: Birth rates among moms over 40 keep increasing, and according to the CDC, women over 40 are the only age group in which birth rates are actually rising, even though birth rates overall are falling. But even so, shortly after giving birth to my son, I learned that being an old mom could still leave me feeling . . . old. My 40-year-old body informed me that I needed more sleep than my newborn and convinced me to keep a heating pad handy while rocking my baby to stave off massive leg cramps. The good news was that by this point in my life, I’d built up enough confidence and emotional maturity to carry me through each awkward moment, and I was beginning to believe motherhood at an older age was not without its perks.
Here are nine reasons I’m glad I’m an older mom.
1. I can—and need to—nap anywhere: Before having my son, I had trouble falling asleep without my own pillow. But now that I don’t have the energy of a young mom and need my rest, I can conk out on the floor, at a kitchen table, or mid-conversation with my husband. I’m able to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. This new talent allows me to be more present and rested for my kid, and I’ve finally found a great way to miss out on bad movies.
Now, patience is my virtue, and on those days when parenting doesn’t go as planned (which are all of them), finding my patience keeps me less frustrated.
2. I know my limits: In my 20s, I wanted to prove my independence. When I needed help, I’d refuse it on the grounds that I’d be seen as weak. As a mature mama, I understand that seeking out support is key for my survival and my son’s. I know my limits, and asking people closest to me for assistance eases the pressure that can go along with being a parent—and gives me more time for naps.
3. I’m more patient: There were times in my youth that I’d check out of a checkout line if the wait time exceeded my tolerance level. My impatience was quick to lead me down a path of frustration. The wisdom of aging showed me this was an area where I needed work so I could lead a more relaxed life. Now, patience is my virtue, and on those days when parenting doesn’t go as planned (which are all of them), finding my patience keeps me less frustrated. I’m pleased to know how to go with the flow, especially when I remember my newborn’s diaper bag but forget to pack any diapers.
4. I have a flawless fashion sense: When my son started school, I worried I might not be able to keep up with the younger mothers. I mean, I was out of breath simply walking next to them. But when I saw what they were wearing, I realized keeping up wouldn’t be a problem! The new clothes they had on I still had hanging in my closet. Those precious wardrobe pieces from my college days were about to make an appearance as trendy vintage outfits. Everything old is new again—including this lady!
5. I don’t sweat the small stuff (’cause I’m actually sweating): When I was first out of college, I went through a phase where the only thing I was confident about was that I was confidently making the wrong decisions. Starting my motherhood journey at 40 found me in better emotional shape. I’d taken time to work through insecurities, and my parenting style is a reflection of this. I try not to sweat the small stuff—mainly because I’m actually sweating due to my hot flashes.
6. Momming was so worth the wait: I decided to wait before starting a family, and all that waiting made being a mama more sweet. I don’t crave a great deal of time away from my son, because I took a lot of time to establish myself before establishing my family. It was worth slipping into motherhood at my own pace because now there’s no place I’d rather be than with my kid. I play, laugh, and even enjoy picking Play-Doh out of the carpet. I live inside every precious second I can with my son. I appreciate every moment because of the long time I had without him.
I try not to sweat the small stuff—mainly because I’m actually sweating due to my hot flashes.
7. I’m now more frugal: Since my son and I both need to be in bed by 7:30 p.m., I get to take advantage of all the early-bird dinner specials. That’s always a bonus!
8. I can manage without a village: My newborn’s schedule became my schedule. But I discovered that most of my friends had their own established schedules with their (older) kids, so now our timing was off. For example, when I was putting my newborn down for his first nap, they were already off to lunch, and we could never quite connect. I was left feeling separated from my group, and all those new mom friends I was sure I’d meet were not in fact strolling around every corner. My new little family became my support system, and I realized that even though I’d love a larger “mom village,” I knew how to feel comfortable in a smaller one because I knew by now how to rely on myself. In my younger days, it took a village to raise me. I turned to my girlfriends first for advice. As I grew older, I decided trusting my own wisdom was a better route to take, and I practiced listening to my inner voice. Now, I’m able to heed my own guidance and trust my instincts. It turns out, all I need for a mom village is myself.
9. I am grateful: There are days I wonder what it would feel like to have had my son when I was younger. Still, I so love the mother-and-son team that we are today and I wouldn’t change anything that led me to motherhood at this age. I adore my son, but more than that, I love being his mom.
My new little family became my support system, and I realized that even though I’d love a larger “mom village,” I knew how to feel comfortable in a smaller one because I knew by now how to rely on myself.
Being an older mother is not without its challenges, but I’m happy to be able to use all the valuable lessons I’ve picked up in my many years on this planet. I’m convinced that being a mama at this age was the best choice I could have made, and that’s why I wouldn’t trade my “old mom” status for all the heating pads in the world.
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