Six ways to be a great birth partner

It often does take a village to raise our babies into healthy and happy adults. That starts with  the birth partner, who can play an important role in the birth experience. If you’re looking for advice and tips for the birth partner to prepare for an upcoming labor and birth experience, here are six things to keep in mind. 

#1: Prep and help pack

Plenty of moms pack their own hospital bag. But many times, they pack more for the baby than themselves—and they even pack for you, the birth partner. Some moms find this therapeutic, but if your partner would appreciate a hand, or even a surprise with the little things, go for it. And make sure you’re fully packed so you don’t need to run out for underwear while you’re soaking in your new babe. Items you might include for her might be:

• Her favorite tea
• Deck of cards
• A tablet with her favorite shows downloaded 
• Pictures from home
• Relaxing music
• A personal fan
• Tennis ball

You might also consider writing her a letter for her to read as labor gets underway. It can be a really meaningful opportunity to center as a couple and remind the mom-to-be of how proud you are and how strong she is. 

#2: Be mom’s best advocate 

Part of doing your research into the labor and birth process is making sure you know exactly what mom wants when the big day finally comes—and because so much of labor demands adapting, it’s good to be attuned to her changing needs. If she has a birth plan, you can communicate the plan to doctors, doulas, or her midwife beforehand, which should take some of the emotional and physical weight off mom’s shoulders during birth. 

Remember that she might not be able to talk much once she reaches active labor. You may need to be her voice. Luckily, thoroughly communicating your birth plan ahead of time takes the guesswork out of when and how you should communicate her desires. 

#3: Help naturally induce birth 

Since due dates are only an approximation, they’ll sometimes come and go, and baby will still be comfortable in the womb—but mom won’t necessarily be. 

While there’s no guaranteeing that you can induce birth at home (evidence on this is pretty mixed), there are some things worth trying if mama is getting restless and is at least 40 weeks into her pregnancy.

• Make her a cup of red raspberry leaf tea
• Stimulate her nipples or breasts
• Ask her if she wants to ask her provider about doing a membrane strip
• Take her on a walk

Best case scenario: you’re speeding a potentially uncomfortable process along and mom will be super grateful. Worst case scenario, nothing happens. If mom’s ready to give something a try, pull out a natural induction cheat sheet! 

#4: Help mom physically 

If mom’s not in active labor yet, there are a few things you can do to help her prepare for what’s ahead, including: 

• Making her tea or broth to drink 
• Playing cards or watching TV with her 
• Suggesting a shower or nap 
• Reminding her to go the bathroom often, especially if her belly hurts 

Once the labor process has begun, your partner will be focused on doing whatever she can do to get through it. While she will be doing most of the physical work, there are a few things you can do to physically to support her, including:

• Helping her change positions
• Putting a warm cloth or heat pack on her back
• Putting a cold cloth or ice pack on her back
• Applying counter pressure with hands or tennis ball
• Sitting back to back with her so your backs can press together
• With a light touch, massage her lower belly and thighs

Just like you communicated before this process, communicating during the labor and birth process is another important tip for the birth partner. Some moms like massages and hand holds, while others want to be physically left alone. And sometimes, you won’t know till labor is actually upon you! There’s no right or wrong way to help your partner through labor, as long as she feels safe, happy, and comfortable in the process. 

#5: Support labor through helping her relax

When labor finally does come, distracting your partner during the (sometimes lengthy) process is a very important job for any birthing partner. While you won’t be able to take away any of the pain, you can help make things a little easier. 

One way to make things easier is to remind her that the pain has a purpose. If she’s having trouble relaxing and focusing, you can try to: 

• Encourage her and remind her that she’s strong and ready
• Remind her of the reason she’s here
• Tell her that each contraction is bringing baby closer
• Remind her how close she is
• Reassure and praise her 
• Place your hand over her hand 
• Rub her back

People who suffer from anxiety are taught to focus on each of the five senses as a grounding technique. 

When focusing on each of the senses, the overwhelmed person is forced to be in the present moment and pay attention to things around them. You can use this same basic principle to help mom through labor, such as by playing music that helps her relax.. Find comforting sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings to stimulate mom. Some examples include:

#6: Don’t forget to take care of yourself 

Be sure to take plenty of deep breaths, stay hydrated, and have plenty of snacks on deck so you stay fueled throughout labor.  Make sure that mom can fully focus on labor and delivery because she knows you’re taking care of you. Here’s a cheat sheet that can help you help the mom-to-be in the delivery room!