“I just want to tell you that if you keep supplementing so much with formula,” my postpartum doula warned, with more than a trace of judgement in her voice, “you’re going to wind up with a completely formula-fed baby.”
I nodded weakly and wondered to myself, Would that be such a bad thing? Yes, breastfeeding had been my goal, but I was starting to doubt that my Herculean efforts were worth it.
“Breast is best” had been drilled into my brain for my entire pregnancy, and when my boobs didn’t produce the abundance of milk I’d been assured they would, I felt like a failure. My milk didn’t come in until eight days after my daughter was born, despite my pumping around the clock. My newborn baby’s favorite thing to do with my boobs was fall asleep on them. I was struggling with an every-three-hours cycle of attempting to breastfeed, supplementing with formula, then pumping, and I was barely getting through each day. Postpartum depression was closing in on me. This was not remotely how I’d envisioned the first few weeks of motherhood.
I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t do for my baby what every mother around me seemed to be doing: giving her the gift of breastmilk, the “liquid gold” that everyone had told me was the far superior way to feed your newborn. However, as devastated as I was not to be breastfeeding exclusively as planned, I was able to recognize that formula was truly a lifesaver for my daughter. In fact, formula has been a literal lifesaver for countless babies since its invention in the late 19th century. Before formula, women who couldn’t breastfeed relied on wet nurses, animal’s milk, or things like bread soaked in water to feed their infants.
By the 1950s, formula was widely accepted as a healthy and safe alternative to breastmilk, so much so that breastfeeding fell out of fashion for a couple of decades, especially as more and more women joined the workforce. But in the ’90s, breastfeeding saw a resurgence in popularity, and with the World Health Organization and UNICEF’s Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative encouraging exclusive breastfeeding, “breast is best” became the rallying cry for new mothers everywhere.
Is breast really best? It depends on so many factors. On the one hand, it’s completely natural, a great way to bond with your baby, and comes to you free of charge. But what if you’re a mom who’s unable to breastfeed for any number of reasons? Should you turn down formula just so you can say your newborn is exclusively breastfed? Not unless you want to risk serious health challenges for your baby. So why the shame surrounding formula feeding?
Jody Segrave-Daly, a NICU and newborn nurse, board-certified lactation consultant, and cofounder of the nonprofit organization Fed Is Best Foundation, says, “There is a massive misunderstanding of what formula milk really is. There is nothing sinister lurking in formula milk.” She firmly believes that “fed is best,” noting, “The breastfeeding information that is shared is often not accurate and sometimes downright dangerous. There are indeed benefits of breast milk for the babies who can thrive on it, but unfortunately, the benefits have been grossly exaggerated.”
Science backs up what Segrave-Daly is saying. Research in the past few years indicates that “the benefits of breastfeeding children are exaggerated and the emphasis on breastfeeding might be leading to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and anxiety among mothers.”There is no need for women like me to stress out about not being able to breastfeed, but we do it anyway—many of us as a result of the oversimplified “breast is best” mantra. And it’s worth noting that some of the research about the benefits of breastfeeding is funded by companies such as Medela, which makes breast pumps. And then there’s the enormous market for breastfeeding accessories: nursing pillows and clothing, pumps and pump parts, lactation teas and supplements, special nursing chairs. Yes, the formula industry is massive too, but the companies that sell these breastfeeding products greatly benefit from the “best is breast” movement—and push it pretty hard.
There is also a misconception that a baby who is given supplemental formula in the first few days of life will “choose” formula over the breast and not be able to breastfeed, which is simply not true. And for many women, supplementing with formula in the early days is essential if they’re not producing enough colostrum or if their milk hasn’t fully come in yet. According to Fed Is Best, 23 percent of first-born newborns who exclusively breastfeed wind up with low blood sugar levels, which, if not addressed, can affect cognitive development. Excessive jaundice can also result from insufficient feeding in a baby’s first few days.
Segrave-Daly says, “There continue to be many unintended consequences of promoting exclusive breastfeeding at all costs. These consequences are completely avoidable, and as health care professionals, we need to find a balance again of how we promote breastfeeding while supporting those who can’t or choose not to.”
For many moms, using formula isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. Whether they’re adoptive or foster moms, moms who have a delayed or low supply (an estimated 15 percent of women), or moms who simply don’t want to breastfeed, they should be able to use formula without feeling shamed or judged.
“The shaming has caused needless suffering for nearly every mother I work with,” Segrave-Daly observes. “Social media platforms have provided a voice to shame others. I have noticed anti-feminism, mean-girl attitudes, and religious beliefs all factor into this beast. It really mystifies me personally why this is happening, as no matter how we feed our babies, we face shame. We should be advocating together to end all infant feeding shaming.”
I was lucky not to experience excessive formula-shaming when my daughter was a baby, though I still remember a mom I barely knew at a playgroup asking me, as I mixed my daughter’s bottle, “Why aren’t you breastfeeding?” She didn’t know me, she didn’t know my circumstances, and frankly, it was none of her business. I told her I was unable to breastfeed and left it at that, but believe me, in my head I had more than a few choice words for her.
Bottom line: I had truly hoped to breastfeed my daughter, and when it didn’t work out, I suffered. I got over it eventually, but it wrecked me for a long time, largely because of the attitudes surrounding “breast is best.” I feel so fortunate that when my son was born in 2017, there was a lactation consultant in the hospital who recognized on day two of his life that he was hungry and needed supplementation since I wasn’t producing enough colostrum. I so appreciated that she, a woman whose job was to encourage breastfeeding, told me about the importance of using formula in my circumstance.
If you can breastfeed, and it’s enjoyable for you and your baby, by all means, do it. But not all moms can, and sending the message that breastfeeding is the be-all and end-all can be toxic. Because of formula, I was able to restore my postpartum sanity. Because of formula, I have two healthy, robust, thriving kids. I chose to feed my babies formula because it was the way that worked best for all of us—and there is no shame in that.